Bellarke post 5x06
I had been hesitating to the post this for the longest time, but then that sneak peak came out for 5x07 and I was like shit, I gotta just post it or I never will.
Clarke is tired.
It’s hardly been a week, but she’s just so fucking tired.
Somehow, surviving on a barren, post-apocalyptic Earth with just a child and a broken radio for company was easier than this.
The worst thing about it is that Clarke and Madi were so close to getting away from it all. So close to escaping someplace safe. Well, maybe not safe, per say — at least not for Clarke — but relatively so considering the sheer terror Clarke feels for Madi in Octavia’s presence.
The girl had been on a downward spiral since Lincoln’s death, that’s true, but these last six years buried any semblance of humanity in her for good. Clarke doesn’t know what Octavia wants with Madi, but there’s nothing she can offer her but a life of blood and fighting and death. A life Clarke never wanted for Madi. And she knew this. Knew that they had to get away, but then Madi, in an effort to protect Clarke, went and revealed her true identity to Octavia, effectively ruling out running as a possibility.
Now, as Clarke walks back to her tent with Madi at her side and Bellamy trailing behind, she finds she really has no idea what the hell she’s going to do. Octavia is expecting Madi in the morning to start her training, and she’s not sure there’s any way out of it. Madi will have to fight. There’s nothing she can do about it. Somehow, Gaia seems to be their best shot at an ally, and the thought doesn’t sit well with Clarke. The helplessness clings to her insides like something heavy is weighing her down. It’s all just too much.
She’s so fucking done with this bullshit. All she wants to do is live a life of peace with Madi, somewhere away from the rest of humanity, who after all this time, are so intent on murdering each other in a pointless war. She won’t hesitate to do it, especially where Madi’s concerned, but she’s so done with all the killing, all the fighting.
Maybe it was foolish of her to have had hope that things could be different this time, but she had — especially when her best friend came back into her life — and having that hope taken from her felt like air being sucked from her lungs.
When they reach the tent, Clarke places her hands on Madi’s shoulders. “I know tonight has been scary, but do you think you can get some rest for a bit?” Madi’s eyes are watery, but she nods. Clarke holds back her own tears and rubs the blood from Madi’s cheeks. Nobody should have to live in such fear, let alone a child—her child. “I’ll meet you in there in just a moment, okay?” Madi nods again and then she disappears into the tent. Clarke turns to face Bellamy. “You didn’t have to walk us back.”
Bellamy shakes his head. “I wanted to make sure you both got back alright. Besides, my tent’s right across from yours.”
“Well,” Clarke says. “We’re back now, so you can…” she gestures for him to leave. Bellamy swallows and makes no move to do so. Clarke exhales. “What?”
Bellamy averts his eyes. “You almost left again.”
“I—“ Clarke blinks. “What?”
“You were just going to leave again, and you didn’t even think to discuss it with me.”
Clarke crosses her arms over her chest, glaring. “You didn’t think to discuss the defector plan with me either.”
“That’s different.”
“Like hell it is,” Clarke scoffs.
“That was about Echo leaving, Clarke,” he licks his lips in that way he does when he’s frustrated, “not me.”
Clarke raises an eyebrow at him. “So?”
“So, I wasn’t planning on going anywhere. Echo was. You—” Bellamy breaks away for a moment, voice weak now. “You were.”
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